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Sibling dynamics: the triad… fighting & singing

Adding a third child to our family has boosted the background noise from low hum to garbage disposal levels.  Its not the youngest who is so loud.  The sibling triad is LOUD-think blender intermittently on high. Remove any one child and volume drops by 80%. (reason enough to send the loudest to school- sorry teachers) The energy between a 9 year old boy and two preschool girls is dramatically explosive. He enjoys provoking them. They enjoy running from him/ screaming at him. Just push repeat on that cycle ad nauseum. I enjoy the ambient noise level of a spa.

Two of my classmates complain about having a little sister, Mr J tells me. You should feel sorry for me, he tells them, I have TWO OF THOSE! Two against one involves noise, conflict, mess– none of which truly bothers the sibling triad. So they lean into the tension, into each other, preferring high intensity connection over peace.  I am a peacemaker according to the enneagram, avoiding conflict, noise, mess if I can help it.

Meanwhile, he touches her sacred blanket for the 7th time before 9am and she screeches AGAIN. She calls him names. He pretends to be a monster and chases both, screaming. She wants the only pink bowl. He blocks her path. She pushes. He does not like her song. She sings it louder. He wants to listen to a story in the car, they don’t. She wants her window down. They want it up. She wants to listen to the same song a million times over. At least one of them does not get what they want at any given time.

Two typically play nicely. The sister duo dances through fairytale land fairly effortlessly. The oldest and middle build things in the workshop. Occasionally the oldest and youngest find a sliver of common ground among gadgets and costumes.  And every once in a while, (right before bed time?) all three playfully connect.  I love those moments.

They do love each other and have a few things in common. All three love history and music. And this years homeschool curriculum combines both :). And though only one is enrolled, all three love the Classical Conversations material.

Currently all three are hooked on the same song. They sing it together, passionately loud. We quickly captured this moment- before one of them moves on. Makes my heart smile.

(click link below to hear 🙂


back when the triad was fairly quiet:









One Reply

  1. Most impressive! We miss you guys.

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