one million words

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when you’ve lost your rhythm

We returned from Germany last month. I am well adjusted to local time but still trying to find my rhythm. It’s really about adjusting to a new rhythm, dancing with the ever changing variables of life. My work schedule has changed. After years of working monday/ wednesday I now work wednesday/ friday and my week feels strangely backwards. I have never worked fridays and am not used to stumbling into the weekend with my name tag. Our patient templates have changed. My work day starts 30min earlier, our appointments are five minutes less and my lunch break is shorter. The kids are out of school and a little out of sorts trying to find their own new rhythm. They’re also begging to get a dog. Which I would love as well but I can’t presently picture adding one more partner however cute and furry to our domestic dance. We will get one again and most definitely not right this moment which feels like cold hearted meanness to the kids.

Daylights hours have doubled it seems. Our kids typically go to bed easy and early. Not now when 7:30 looks like 3pm. The sun is up at 5am and no one has yet discovered the joy of sleeping in. It’s been hotter than usual in the Pacific Northwest. There are other, deeper changes I am not ready to write about here. I am just trying to get into the swing of things anchoring my soul in a rhythm deeper than my ever changing circumstances.

I am re-discovering the rhythms of grace- the pulse of life my soul was meant to live into. And it’s deeper than my schedule or to do list, the pace at which I am running around. It’s really an attitude of heart, they way I extend grace to myself and those around me as we are all adjusting.

It starts with surrender of things I have limited control over- the amount of noise in my house, the number of objects on the floor, the dull roar of sibling squabbles. A grace rhythm releases what it cannot control to channel life towards what it can. Finding my rhythm again will mean re-connecting with my heart and it’s most present needs. I am finding my rhythm again when I pay attention and ask for what I need. Gratitude re-sets the rhythm of my soul and I am continuing my list of 1000 gifts- over 700 now and it seems so simple and yet helps so much. Thanks Ann Voskamp. No one is presently screaming at my house and I am gratefully breathing into this peace and writing it down.

Finding a new rhythm takes time so you must be patient with yourself. Allow for room to make mistakes because life seems to attract these random errors and somehow they are part of the dance. I am trying to unlearn some of my old dance moves because they don’t work for our current tango.

When you’ve lost your rhythm just know that you will find it again. It likely won’t be your same favorite one, the one you can dance in your sleep. Your new grace rhythm will feels awkward at first. But new does not have to be scary or bad. Step by imperfect step, we’ll learn to swing it together.


6 Replies

  1. I appreciate how you’re not complaining, but rather seeking adjustment. That’s healthy. That’s inspiring.

    1. Astrid Melton

      Thanks free therapy friend 🙂 love it

  2. Tara

    Echoing Gary’s sentiments and admitting that I feel like I’m in this season of adjustment way too often for my preferences. From the outside the changes don’t look drastic, but I feel like the rug is yanked out from under me at least 4 times a year in one way or another. Like you, I’m starting to seek out and exercise gratitude for the benefits to finding a new dance to a new rhythm. Doesn’t mean I don’t still throw mental tantrums for a day or two when the rhythm changes. 🙂

    1. Astrid Melton

      Haha-I hear you! I guess most adults do better on a routine too- love sharing life w/ you.

  3. well, girl; once again you said it the way it is! and I appreciate it far more than I can express. Looks like we’re on the same road in many ways.. Praying!

    1. Astrid Melton

      Thanks for being a part of my grace rhythm!

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