one million words

find your voice. tell your story.

When being needed feels overwhelming

Do you ever feel valued because someone else needs you? I do.

Sometimes ‘I need you’ means you would rather share your heart with me than anyone else. Your vulnerability moves me and I run towards you shouting: Yes, yes, everything I have to give is yours.

Do you ever feel resentful because someone else needs you? I do.

Sometimes ‘I need you’ means fill me, fix me, follow me around. Hurry up and offer me only the parts of you that directly benefit me. I feel used, unseen, want to run and hide.

I cannot afford to base the value of my existence on the ever-changing needs of others. My young children have mountains of needs, mixed motives for pursuing me. I serve them well, unintentionally feed mounting expectations. Sometimes I am savior, other times scapegoat. Daily, I come up short. There are hurt feelings, lost homework, sibling rivalry. Eager to please, I get sucked into their drama. It’s possible to over identify, completely lose yourself in endless echo’s of ‘I need you!” Wait, who am I again?

My identity must not be rooted in my ability to meet someone else needs. I am a person, not someone’s solution. My deepest source of worth and acceptance comes from faith in a God who loves me unconditionally. My value has forever been settled because of the blood of Christ. I am valued simply because I am a part of the family of God. I am a daughter well loved with needs of my own. I am seen, known, loved.

My father gives with no strings attached and I am invited to live into that story. Like him I become a giver who gives lavishly, openhandedly, no strings attached. This spirit guides this process.

So back to my needy flock of children. How do I invite them into this story?

I want them to know not every need has my name on it. Jumping into every problem is not the most loving thing I can do. I want to teach them responsibility as well as trust in God as their ultimate provider. I want them to become people that know who they are and give from a place of love and worthiness.

What does this look like? Sometimes it looks like a pause or a prayer, we breathe and surrender before jumping in to fix stuff. I come home from work the other day and my youngest daughter is besides herself, crying, demanding I immediately conjure up her lost ballet slipper. I almost jump right in, run all over the house like a mad women, in search of the lost slipper. Instead I recognize her deeper need of connecting with me. I pick her up and we sit on the couch together. She sobs, relaxes. I haven’t really fixed her problem but I have connected with her.

My children need to know not every need is a crisis or worthy of immediate attention. Some needs are invitations to simply engage or connect, feel seen and heard.

My children also need to know I have needs of my own. When appropriate I must be brave enough speak of my own need, even give them an opportunity to give back.

Most of all I want them to know that our worth and value is not hiding in the far corners of someone else’s need. Our worth and value is not dependent on how well we show up for others, how many people need and depend on us. Our worth and value is hidden in Christ, untouchably tucked away in the heart of God. We are citizens of a kingdom of generosity. We are free to give, free to live.

#livefreethursday

 

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13 Replies

  1. Astrid, this is so good. I was encouraged by it as a mom and my children are grown! I pray that many women read this today and hear what you have to say. Thank you for being a part of the conversation at #livefreeThursday. <3

    1. Astrid Melton

      Thanks for your generous, open table. Love the conversation and writing prompts.

  2. Astrid, this is beautiful! “My identity must not be rooted in my ability to meet someone else needs”…. YES! As a fellow momma, thank you!

    1. Astrid Melton

      thanks fellow momma.

  3. Astrid, what a beautiful post – your children are so blessed to call you Mom! #livefree today! Have a great one, Kim

    1. Astrid Melton

      Thanks Kim, the blessing is mutual. We are all growing in some ways.

  4. “I cannot afford to base the value of my existence on the ever-changing needs of others.” That was the first WOW and then they just continued throughout the post!!!! This is a must read for all moms! I need to share 🙂 LOL!

    1. Astrid Melton

      thanks- it takes one to know one- this was definitely written for me too 🙂

  5. Astrid, beautifully said! Our worth does not come from how much someone needs us! And I loved this: We are citizens of a kingdom of generosity! Yes! Thank you Astrid! (PS – my neighbors have a granddaughter named Astrid! Beautiful, unusual name!) #livefree

    1. Astrid Melton

      Thanks. Yeah- have not met many Astrid’s even in my native country (Germany)- at least it’s a well recognized name there 🙂

  6. Astrid,
    I was tired reading that and I just woke up!! Lol I have 3 at home. It’s straight up crazy up in here! Ha!
    The message I really sunk my teeth into was that instead of running off trying to satisfy the barks of everyone, I need to find the connecting point. I’m not really teaching them the value of relating to people if I run around like their servant to keep “peace.”
    Thanks for a profound thought to start my Saturday! Following you on tweeter and will share this!

    1. Astrid Melton

      cool. thanks friend. yeah- running around is a false peace. i like what you said about finding a connecting point. So true.

  7. Astrid,
    I was tired reading that and I just woke up!! Lol I have 3 at home. It’s straight up crazy up in here! Ha!
    The message I really sunk my teeth into was that instead of running off trying to satisfy the barks of everyone, I need to find the connecting point. I’m not really teaching them the value of relating to people if I run around like their servant to keep “peace.”
    Thanks for a profound thought to start my Saturday! Following you on tweeter and will share this!

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