one million words

find your voice. tell your story.

#write31 Day 16 Voice

Conveniently I woke up at 5am, unfortunately though with minimal writing ambition. The time felt earlier than it was and my body seemed convinced it needed more sleep. I thought I should listen to my body and laid back down. At 6 I realized I would not fall back to sleep. I listened but not fully retained parts of the daily audio bible during that time. Then decided to go on my morning run while the girls are still asleep.

They are still sleeping now but it seems they could wake up at any minute. Then Gerald will demand his pancake immediately. I already feel behind and can’t focus. I didn’t truly want to quit writing yesterday, I just wanted thoughts to be more clear. I’ve kept wondering, even while running, if writing is selfish, which it certainly can be but decided it does not have to. Seems like the best writers listen well even if you can’t have a conversation. The best writers listen to the voice that lies deeper than their ego, they listen for the deeper parts of conversation all around, they listen to God, something greater and outside themselves. So the best writers listen in a way that makes you feel they are listening to you. They reflect back the words they hear, words which most of us lack but relate to so well and we will understood. This is a gift

Obviously even if I become a better listener, my words, even the published ones won’t consistently hit the mark. This is part of the process and must be accepted in order to move forward. Saying this makes me wonder if I write to perform more than to connect.

I think I have not given myself enough permission to have a voice. Perhaps this is rooted in my background, being raised in a cultural and political environment which did not encourage, actually which punished people for having an opinion different from leadership. Perhaps I believe some sort of credentials need to accompany your voice. And my old favorite excuse: It’s all been said already.

Lastly I am not truly convinced that writing counts as art. Not all written words would be considered art to be sure. Poetry fits the artsy category, as does the script to a play. Blogging….not so outwardly obviously artsy. Yet words can be so weighty and life-changing. I can’t make up my mind.

Second lastly I’ve never held great interest in politics. Perhaps this too is related to my background. To not owning a TV or never keeping up to date. This political season is saturated, off course, with articles and blog posts, one can hardly scroll facebook or twitter without coming across yet another one. I likely won’t ever chime in too much on politics (or pop culture for that matter).

Which makes me wonder if my voice is relevant…to people most of which take a greater political and cultural interested in the world. I do care about social justice issues and making a difference for good in the world. So I wonder if you can be a relevant writer in this culture without getting involved in forming strong political opinions? Perhaps the poet can remain more politically neutral? I can’t decide if my preference of not getting too involved is ignorance or bliss?


PS. This is the first year I can actually vote. In case you are wondering, it won’t be for Trump.

PSS 7:26am. The girls are still asleep. Grace and no regrets for extra hours spent lying in bed this morning.


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