one million words

find your voice. tell your story.

When loss messes with your faith

We were going to wait seven years before having children. I thought we agreed on five. “No, seven,” my husband insists.Three years into marriage I suddenly developed a ferocious longing for a baby. It took a year to convince my husband and another 12 months to conceive. But the little white pill worked the first time. I loved being an instant fertility clinic success story. Nine months later our son was born and we were thrilled. “I could have eight of these!” I exclaimed. No—two, my husband asserted. We agreed on two.

Number two kept us waiting. I asked for the little white pill again. This time it didn’t work. Nothing worked actually.

When nothing works, people try to speak hope into your failure or stuff advice into your wait. Many words bounced right off my wall of discouragement. Friends prayed. I had grown weary of praying because it didn’t seem to help. God works better than a little white pill but he didn’t seem to want to get involved…

You can read the rest of the story here: 

Mudroom Blog

where we are sharing stories of grief in the month of July.


3 Replies

  1. Thank you so much for lending us your story. I know so many can relate to it and will be touched by your honesty. These losses have to be talked about, as long as we need to, as many times as we want to. It’s that big a loss. And your sharing gives other women permission to keep speaking out about the part of their heart that has been ripped out.

    1. Astrid Melton

      Thanks for providing a safe place to share. I do believe we find each other in our stories and sharing them helps us feel less alone.

  2. So real and raw Astrid, your voice and story of loss and letting go and God’s redeeming. You are such an authentic person with such an authentic voice. I am so glad we connected this year. We have such a shared story with our German background – and faith and motherhood and writing, etc. ! – See you at the next Writers Connection or something in Portland!

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